Auditions...and a bit of kindness

We have a cast for my play! that's a weird sentence to say! it feels like a long time coming (not just in terms of getting this play where it needs to be, but just in life). And it honestly was an utter joy to get there.

You can see this utter dream team here:

We’re pumped to announce the cast for of the final show of our #Fifth season:@EmiGarside’s Don’t Send Flowers. @James_Scan1985 - John@ffion_king - Grace @curlytom92 - Louis

Our audition process was wondrous so thanks to everyone who came along! #DSF #theatre #cardiff pic.twitter.com/Rq6hOrcZMf

— ClockTowerTheatreCo. (@clocktower_tc) April 19, 2019

Over two sets of auditions I sat quietly in a corner (well not that quietly I've got a laugh like a banshee and some of these guys were very, very funny) and watched a group of actors read lines from my work.

That's crazy, an actual room full of actors rocked up not once but twice to read lines from something I wrote.

That aside there's nothing like hearing the same scenes from your own work 20 times that can either bring home how awful the work is or how it's kinda alright really. And turns out it's kinda alright really. I also got to see so many takes on what I thought I knew. Which is a delight? I got to see so many 'versions' of my characters, which is also a delight. (People ask do I have a fixed idea, and no I never do, so for me, auditions were a RIDE in 'oh him, oh no her oh wow they all have something').

There were so many moments that as a writer were brilliant. I couldn't if I wanted to single out individuals as everyone in that room brought something. Even in an audition space, there were so many moments of 'magic' when you took a breath and went 'oh that's it'. And the decisions were hard in the best way- being spoiled by talent.

For me as a writer my standout moment was arriving late at the callbacks and sitting outside the room on the floor listening to the auditions, listening to people saying my words. I still have no idea which actors I was overhearing, but I sat on the floor and grinned like a loon.

And yes we got the cast we needed, and that's why we were there but for me, that wasn't the greatest thing to come out of those two days. Instead for me, it was more a reminder of this is why we do it, and this is what it can be....

I think the greatest thing to come out of the auditions (other than the obvious aim of finding an amazing cast) was the sense of enjoyment. The greatest compliment that anyone who attended gave was not about the writing (obviously as a needy writer I enjoy that) but that they enjoyed it. So many people who attended those auditions commented on how much they enjoyed it, how much fun they had, how not scary it was, how nice the team was. And that means more than anything else.

In an industry where some people almost pride themselves on how much of a dick they can be. In an industry that wears it's 'well it's a tough business' with pride, a little kindness, a little niceness goes a long way.

And out of this process with Clock Tower so far I've got a real sense of working with- and finding a whole lot more- decent human beings who I'm proud to work with, to call friends. And to hopefully out of meeting such talented people through these auditions, have found future talented people to work with and call friends. And remembered it's possible to do all that with kindness, collaboration and a bloody sense of humour, in an industry that's felt increasingly harsh and humourless in recent months.

In a few months where it seems to be the most 'artistic' being the most 'provocative' seems to have been the only aim of our industry, and where personally I've felt like giving up because I've had enough of being treated so badly...this meant a lot.

In the month running up to these auditions, I had to block a 'well known' playwright on twitter, because he didn't like my review of another company's work. And came at me, personally in my DMs. That's not ok. I've had an artistic director of a theatre company come at me on twitter, because they pre-empted a review, and disagreed with my wider opinions on theatre. That is not ok. More importantly, I've felt it was not ok to speak about this- and the fact that many companies and individuals close their doors to people, not in their 'cool club' who don't fit a certain image of what theatre folk look or behave like. But I was afraid to say that because I felt the doors would be further slammed.

What those auditions showed, what working with Clock Tower shows me, is there's a theatre world beyond the ones who shout loudest in my locality. There are brilliantly creative people making brilliant work, and they aren't punching down at others to do it. They aren't slamming doors they're opening them. None of the discussions in auditions were around people not being 'good enough' they were all about 'oh but wouldn't this person be great for....' and thinking up 10 other productions where the talented people in the room could make something great. THAT is the attitude we should be having.

And so back to the play. What does it feel like to have it cast? honestly a relief! It's a relief that it's now properly out of my hands and into other people's, that my work is for the most part done (unless of course they read it and realise there is a gaping plot hole somewhere). And of course excitement. Excitment it's really happening, that something I dreamed up in my crazy head is real.

It's also, despite it being nerve-wracking still, reassuring. That a room full of people didn't take one look at it and go 'nah you're all right I don't want to be in that piece of shite'  There's something really important and reassuring about putting it out beyond your bubble in a 'safe' and reassuring way first, and the group of actors who auditioned were certainly that. Again in terms of being supportive, and positive and while they were the ones being auditioned I got a real sense from lots of them they understood that this was someone's work rather than just some lines on a page. And it weirdly for once all made me feel like I am part of this community, that I do have a right to space at that table, and that there are many many great people also there to work with.

The next stage is so exciting, to hand this over to these brilliant people, with the brilliant directing team and see what they make of it! And of course how much cake they eat on the way....