Having now been paid for, and sent a letter of complaint to the worst temp job I've ever had (a crown previously held by a reception job for the biggest asshat I ever met in 2008). I've decided to share the story of this January. And perhaps explain why job hunting has now finally broken me a bit.
I found myself in an interview for a job I had been told was 'generic admin' in a team called 'resources'. Fine I thought, sounds suitably generic. I can do that. It's a temp job after all I'm not expecting it to change my world.
Firstly, my interview is delayed. The manager isn't in today. She's called in sick. I later found out I was interviewed by a different manager, whereas everyone else was interviewed by the 'real' manager. Well that's not an equal playing field, and while I was offered it, that isn't fair to- well anyone.
In the interview. First question 'What do you know about this position?' I trot out the description the agency has given me.
'Ah that's not entirely correct. And that might be a problem.'
Thinking I'd mistakenly been sent for some highly technical job instead of an admin one I was annoyed, but prepared. Nothing could have prepared me for the next words out of his mouth:
'You'd actually be working on Domestic Homicide. What do you think about that?'
Well firstly let me tell you there is no good answer to that question "Great I love a bit of murder!" or a straight out running for the door aren't going to do you any favours are they? So I went for a safe 'well I'd be interested to hear more about the job' while I hope subtly implying that this might have been useful before I got in the room.
Now some of you will have read that and thought "Oh my god COOL so interesting" and yes, I'm sure it is for the right person. But remember I was a temp sent to this interview with zero expectation that it would involve this. Imagine if I'd had some direct experience of that, what a horrific experience that moment would have been.
Secondly in a job that deals in Domestic Homicide, they're willing to put a temp.
That's fine, there'll be training and support right. Nope. Just thrown in to do it. Because as this blog suggests, I got it.
I assumed, based on the interview information, it would be generic admin around the team that worked on that. In that I'd just be doing things that generally related to the team- booking meeting rooms, coordinating meetings etc. And that of course, there would be training and support for the more challenging elements.
My second day my manager took annual leave (for two days) and left me with the instructions 'Read all the files you'll need to be very familiar with all the cases'. And so I was left to read several cases of police, hospital, coroner, family interview based reports graphically detailing murders. Some of which had been high profile.
Again, I had no training. No support. I am an arts person, with an education background. As it happens I'm used to challenging, often distressing work from my research and my work in disability support. I'm a tough old broad in general. What I am not is trained in dealing with- in any sense of the word, what amounted to the stories of many many dead women.
I'll pause and say I still 'see' those women today. Within days I made the conscious decision- despite pressure from my boss- to not google the cases. I didn't want to see the press reports. More importantly I didn't want to see their faces. That isn't me being inhumane it's self preservation. After what I had to read, I had to keep one fragment of distance between me and them. But still for all the time I worked there every night when I went to bed I had flashes of their lives springing into my head. One particularly windy night I became CONVINCED someone was in my house. And I'm not by nature a scared-y person, but I know that having my head in those cases did that to me.
Let me also say that for some people I appreciate this would be a job they'd thrive on. But those people would have chosen that work. That sort of role. I didn't. I was sent somewhere expecting to do a bit of filing and I got this. Above all I felt GUILTY I felt guilty that I just wanted a temp job and I couldn't commit my heart and soul to helping these women. I felt guilty that I was keeping someone who could do that from the job.
And then there was the context. I wasn't interviewed by my manager. My manager took 2 days off the day after I started and nobody else on my team was in. The entire floor bar, I'd say 3 individuals, were openly hostile to the point of following me into the kitchen to watch me (don't steal any milk now!) and deliberately offering everyone next to me a drink by name and ignoring me. I've been a temp, I've worked in some terrible offices but this one was up there.
Ultimately they got rid of me. They declared that someone with my 'Social media presence' could not do that job. Firstly, a bunch of nerds who follow me on twitter because I sometimes write about Andrew Garfield is not a 'following'. Secondly, these nerds do not care about my 'Day job' neither will I be sharing it with them. But apparently my 'presence' was not compatible with the role. This is maybe something to highlight before taking someone on? I joke here but my social media is a big part of how I get 'real' work. So I would have politely declined any job that said I couldn't maintain my public profile. They also told me I'd tweeted about the nature of my work. Dear reader do you want to know what I said? "Photocopying with Hugh Jackman and The Greatest Showman for company"
Obviously photocopying as an act is top secret and nobody but them does it...Hugh Jackman you've got a lot to answer for.
Ultimately it was a blessing to be let go. And I can recount it with drama and copious sarcasm now. But it was a dark time (I mean that literally it was January...) But while I was a throwaway temp to them, people have little idea what the employment search does to people.
I've got a longer post on the whole of the last six months. But after that job, I spent a month out of work. In all honesty I was scared to call my other temp agency, and scared to go back to work again fearing another experience like it. When I got a placement (with another agency) I cried all the way to the first day. Luckily I didn't need to worry. It was like a revelation. People were kind, they were training me, they were interested in chatting about my life. They made me tea.
A friend described it as when you come out of a bad relationship, and you can't understand why people are so nice. They aren't so nice, they're just normal. It's the other thing that was the problem. I also know now that I can survive in the temping wilds again, because not all places are like that.
I share this because I think people should know the utter shitstrom some of us go through out there in the name of just getting by. I was scared to walk away from that job because of the fear of "throwing away" a perfectly good job. But it wasn't a perfectly good job. It was a terrible job. And in the employment search people start telling you the job is all that matters. It matters a lot, but not if it does all that to you.
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