International Women's Day (why we need it, why women are fabulous)

It's international Women's Day. Now on one hand I say 'I wish we didn't need a day, I wish we were just equal' on the other hand I say 'Women are fabulous damn right we're having a day to celebrate'

So let's start with the negative. On a most micro 'first world problems' level the reasons behind a need for 'International Women's Day' were perfectly illustrated yesterday when I shared this article from a fantastic women-centred magazine 'Standard Issue' Everyday Sexism Subversion's. In this article one of the light hearted but with a serious undertone comments were 'become a Dr then you'll have a gender neutral title and get better jobs' Having been awarded my PhD and therefore the right to use 'Dr' I commented that it was indeed useful not to have to be defined by a) gender and b) marital status. Among the 'charming' responses I received on twitter was the notion that 1. only angry feminist like myself would 'demand' to be addressed as Dr and 2. I should be using Miss or Mrs so people know I'm available.

So far so 1920s right? In the scheme of things this means little, I had a little rant. Some friends and I firmly put him in his place, it passed a bit of Monday afternoon and inspired a blog post. It didn't hurt me personally in any real sense because I know his opinions don't matter personally. But it does hurt me and women in a wider sense, because it demonstrates the ingrained everyday sexism that leads to our bigger issues.

Because the micro aggressions and everyday sexism is the wider issue. And that we so often just 'put up' with it because it's easier is part of the bigger issue. Now in no way am I saying you have to fight every battle, not at all. Women we can't do that; we'd be existed for a start. But that's why days like International Women's Day are important, because it gives us a chance to stand collectively and say 'This isn't ok'.

And International Women's Day lets us talk about the bigger issues as well. The pay gap, the glass ceiling, sexual violence, women's health care. All of these are vital conversations we should be having more often, but if a day in the calendar helps us to focus, gets the world's attention, then even better.

Now for the other side of things, this day should also be about celebrating women. Yes, we should be challenging the issues, commemorating our history and fighting for our future. But also what's so wrong with stopping for a day and saying 'Women are brilliant, here are some of my favourites'.

And your favourites don't have to be suffragettes or famous scientists or women who died for a cause. Those women are important and fantastic, but they might not be the women who influenced you. And that's ok. This day is about saying ANY woman is important, influential and to be celebrated.

I admit as a woman on international women's day I felt a bit rubbish this morning. I had a piece published on 'Influential Women in Culture' as part of a compilation piece. All the other women were artistic or 'important' women from literature, politics, art. And mine? Well mine was Gillian Anderson.

I admit I felt like the grubby low-brow working class eejit I am. Clearly I was stupid, non-intellectual and everyone would laugh at me for picking a TV actress famous for, even worse, a Sci-Fi show. I felt like 'my' woman and therefore me as a woman weren't good enough.

And then I thought fuck it. I was honest, I sat and thought about that article and what woman culturally I'd like to write about. And sure there are lots and lots of really awesome theatre women, or women academics or authors I could have gone with. But I thought back to when I was a teenager and the first women who influenced me to be strong and clever and eventually to choose my career path was Gillian Anderson. She taught me about accepting my body for what it was, that beauty was relative, and that to speak your mind was good. Maybe I didn't grow up reading Anais Nin. Maybe my choice is a bit 'low brow', but I'm still damn proud of the woman who influenced me, and the woman she influenced me to be.

We should be celebrating all women. From the big 'important' women who break down barriers, who are first to do things and lead the way in their careers, and for women. To the characters on TV and film and books and theatre that inspire us. To the actors who play them, to the singers or performers who we love. To our friends and family. All these women are brilliant important people. It shouldn’t be a sliding scale of importance, we shouldn't be ashamed to say 'this is the woman who influenced me' there are enough men out there who want to put us in a box and hide us away, we shouldn't help them.

So to all the women on International Women's Day: you are fabulous. Do what you do with pride, love the other women around you. And let's start moving towards this day not needing to be anything more than a celebration of how brilliant we are.

Another Suitcase in another hall (interpreting job market via Andrew Lloyd Webber lyrics)

I'm never one to miss a chance at a musical theatre reference/Madonna impression (I'm a child of the 80s..) but this song has been running through my mind a lot lately...

(and yes I know Eva Peron is not exactly a shining role model, but, like I say,  I'm a child of the 80s and a child of musical theatre, bear with me...) 

So it's all become a bit 'Another Suitcase in another hall' since I got official notification I'm losing my job in June. 

It wasn't a surprise, it's nobody's fault (except the Tories, it's defiantly their fault somehow) and I'm fine, I really am. But this song has been running through my head a lot lately. 

Ok I'm a tad mellow dramatic, but actually the more I think about it, the more this song is a good breakdown of the end of job scenario I keep ending up in...

'Being used to trouble I anticipate it, but all the same I hate it, wouldn't you?'

Sums up what I've been telling everyone. I'm used to it, it's the way things are. It's just what happens. And it's all true. It's out of everyone's hands, and that's fine, it really is. But that 'wouldn't you' betrays how I really feel. In rooms full of people with secure permanent jobs, who have long since forgotten what it's like to have to search for the next thing, hope that the next move is a good one. I might be used to it, I might be 'hard through and through' but all the same I DO hate it. Getting back on that job train yet again, not entirely sure where it leads. The feeling that people who are secure in their jobs interpret as YOU that is faulty not a system/market that churns out fixed term contract. 

And I am used to it. Whether through my own damn bad luck, to find myself at the height of job hunting at the height of economic troubles (over and over again) or my own poor life choices, or whatever. I'm used to it. The bits that are my fault and the bits that aren't. But all the same, it never gets easier. 

Suddenly everyone else's success/security seems that much magnified. And having not secured yet the next position is yet another failing in their/my eyes. And so the spiral of self doubt comes. And I keep saying 'I'll be fine, its just how it is' and I do believe it, deep down, because it always has worked out eventually. But all the same I hate it, wouldn't anyone? 

And then there's the bigger picture hangs over this whole proceeding, leading to; 

 'I never fool myself that my dreams will come true' 

Because with every knock back it's easy to feel like it's all doomed. Even though in this instance it's out of my hands, it feels like starting over yet again. That once again it's a sign that it's never going to work out. That dreams never come true however hard you work. 

Which in the cold light of day is ridiculous. This was never my 'dream job' and actually if you think about it, leaving it is more likely to lead to my dream job...because I will have to do something else, which might be utterly brilliant in itself or which might lead to the something else that is utterly brilliant. And I know I know these things-I just wrote them down. But at this moment, it doesn't feel that way. It feels like another notch of failure, and although 'You'll get by you always have before' it's harder to keep picking yourself up from the knock backs. 

It brings up every insecurity, every thought of 'what have I done wrong' or more accurately 'what have they [everyone else out there who of course seems to be doing even better than normal thanks very  much] done that I haven't done. What have they got that I don't? I didn't think I could work harder, but clearly everyone else is working harder. But then perhaps it doesn't matter, probably I should just give up, because dreams don't come true, not for you. 

And so on and so on. 

But it is just Another suitcase in another hall it's not the end of the world. And I know, do know I will bounce back, it will be a case of; 

'Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know, well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow' 

I have to believe I'll look back, maybe not in three months. But in six, or a year, and this time around it will have been the best thing to happen to me. Because good things will have happened by then. And even if more awful things do happen, I'll survive anyhow, I'll be fine anyhow. I always am. 

And you know what I'd rather find myself bouncing from job to job until the right thing finally happens, than wake up after 30 years and realise I'd made a huge mistake. I'd rather these jobs force me to keep looking for the things that really click, than make me comfortable and safe, and not willing to take the risk and change. It's making me a better employee, it's making me a better person. Certainly a more resilient, stronger person. I keep surviving because honestly what's the alternative? You keep going, keep moving on, and hope that it works out, somewhere somehow. And so far it's always been some version of 'fine anyhow' somewhere along the line, until the next time. So I keep moving. 

It doesn't make it less, awful. The mantra I've been using is 'It's not personal, but it is personal' the mechanisms that keep me in fixed term jobs, or chasing jobs that don't exist, aren't personal. Losing a job at any stage (application, interview, in it) is rarely properly personal. 

But that brings me to another slightly embarassing mantra of mine, You've Got Mail. (Judge away I don't care, I love it) When Kathleen Kelly is told "It's not personal it's business" she responds with:  

"What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's personal to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?"

It is personal. It does hurt every time. Every damn time there's dispair-whether it's a failed job application for the one you really wanted, or the end of a job, that feeling of being spat out once again. Sat on a doorstep with your career suitcase in hand. Another career suitcase in another application cycle hall. Wondering what was so wrong with you to end up here again. 

But, I'll get by I always have before. And eventually, one day, my career will look less like the clip above, and more like this (again, no not an ideal career role model, it's a loosely constructed musical theatre metaphor people...) 

Fixed term, Alt-Ac and moving on?

I have 16 weeks to find a new job. Lots of people will read that and say 'that's loads of time' probably people who have been in a job for a long time, and have no real idea about how long such things take. The thing is I know that's no time at all. And I know I'll also probably be going into another job with an expiry date.

I've never actually had a permenant job. In 10 years since graduating from Undergrad, every job I have had has been fixed term or zero hour contract, sometimes both. And unless there is a supreme stroke of luck, I don't see it changing. This is particualry so in academic, even 'alt ac' jobs within Universities. And it's tiring.

On one hand it's not so bad-you always know it's not forever. And perhaps because I came from the creative world, where everything is always in flux and nobody stays anywhere for long, I've been ok with it. But it's also exhausting. No sooner have you settled into a job, you're looking for the other. And employers/colleagues can read that as disloyalty as well. If I mentioned to my managers that I'm already looking for my next job, they'd probably interpet it as having already 'checked out' of this one. Not so, simply a fact of living.

Say a job goes up this week, it's advertised for say a month, they take another 2 weeks to shortlist/schedule an interview. That's 6 weeks gone already. By the time they make a decsiion (not always as quick as you'd think) you accept (in an ideal world) check contracts, sign, then we're talking 8 weeks. Rarely do the stars align quite so perfectly, so 3-4 months before a contact ends, really you have to be looking and applying. Assuming there's anything to apply for. With 3 months (which is what I have now, give or take) to go, then you're actively looking and starting to apply. That isn't disloyalty, it's practicallity.

All of that is if you're lucky. In reality, it'll be temping for the months following the contract ending until something comes up and you get it.

All of this is not taking into account the landscape of academia. Not just actual lectuerships but alt-ac jobs too. In the last month or two I have seen lots of 3 month contracts that require a start within 2 weeks (often in cities not where I am, because frankly what are the odds). Even for those of us used to tempory contracts this is untenale.

The thing is I'm not even complaining about it anymore, it is what it is. I'm used to it, immune to it even. And if I stay in any University related role it is my future. Which is perhaps one of the many reasons it's time to step aside.

As I start this search, I do reflect on the academic or alt-ac route. And perhaps, despite still thinking maybe, just maybe it's what I'm somehow stuck doing, maybe it isn't. I haven't been happy in the particular role I'm in, that's no secret. I always thought perhaps there were alternatives within Universities I could do-but actually all they do is remind me of my failure as an academic. I was working in academic support, and it's a great job, and there's lots of vareity. But I went off, spent 4 years of blood sweat and (lots) of tears to get a PhD, only to end up back in an academic support role. I could have saved myself all that, and just worked my way to a different job in the support side. And while on the whole I do get the respect of having earned my PhD there's still the dimension that see you as 'just admin' and dismiss everything you've done between. Plus those on the outside looking in I know compare me to my peers with PhDs, who are in teaching or research roles and say to themselves 'Well clearly she wasn't good enough then' which might be right, but it still hurts. Perhaps if I left entierly I wouldn't feel that so keenly, that I'd failed.

As regular readers of this, and the sister blog (The Nerdy Theatre ) know, I'm a big X Files fan. And there are two quotes from that show I tend to live by. One has got me this far, which is "If I quit now, they win" That got my through a lot. (to quote Mulder again, a lot, a lot a lot) But what I hear in my head a lot more is another favourite X Files quote "There has to be an end...there's so much more you have to do with your life"

So perhaps, now at the end of yet another fixed term contract that's where I am. I didn't quit when it mattered, so 'they' didn't win. But perhaps there's a point where also you draw a line and say, no, I have more to do, and it isn't here.

Of course then the question becomes, now what?

To Dr or not to Dr

To Dr or not to Dr that is the question. Well it's this week's question.

Just over a week ago I had an article published on a magazine site. The editorial team chose to credit me as 'Dr Emily Garside'. It wasn't a request from me, but entirely a decision from their end. I noticed, reasoned they had in their wisdom decided it was appropriate to use my name and title and thought nothing of it. Then I got a disgruntled message on twitter.

Now a disgruntled message on twitter isn't unusual, in response to an article or even simply an opinion expressed, twitter is a medium that lends itself to complaining. Now let me be clear that this individual was not a troll, was not at any moment impolite and even was discreet enough to keep the entire conversation to direct message. But what they raised I couldn't entirely agree with, and has given me food for thought.

They disagreed with the use of 'Dr' in the credit. Note again, this wasn't my call. But I was called pretentious for including it there and in my twitter handle.

So am I pretentious for using my title? or should I insist upon it given how hard I worked for it?

I admit to sometimes feeling a little embarrassed about it. When giving some post show talks at a theatre this summer, my embarrassment became (and still is) a bit of a joke between myself and the director I worked with. It's not I don't think I deserve to be referred to as Dr G, I just think sometimes it sounds a bit odd. Sometimes it even feels like people are mocking me when they use it. Or worse they mock me when I do.

What are the times when I insist upon it then? well few actually. I tick the box on forms, because well, it's my title and it also avoids the minefield of Mrs, Miss or Ms.

I use it in work too-in email signatures mainly. I work in an alt-ac position (that's a position within academia/universities that isn't academic in nature) and firstly, it's the norm in my institution to use a title in email signatures. Secondly lets' just say occasionally academics need reminding that their 'support staff' are on an equal footing in terms of professional qualifications.

Likewise in seeking employment, I use my title. Why? well in that instance I'm trying to impress people. And without putting that title in there's a big old employment gap where my PhD is. So I show it off. Which occasionally also bites me in the arse when people see it as a marker of snobbery or over-qualified status.

So the conclusion we come to here is yes I do use my title in a professional context. Why? because it's a professional qualification. It's not like I go around asking my friends to address me as Doctor G. Although some do, mainly to take the piss when I'm being stupid.

I use it on twitter for professional reasons-I want people googling me to know I'm the same person as my linkedIn or Academia.Edu page. There's also a thriving academic community on twitter I'm part of, so again it seems the norm.

But why then do I sometimes feel embarrassed? why do I feel that people think exactly like the person who challenged me and think I'm being a pretentious wanker by using my hard-earned title Dr?

A friend raised a valid point that nobody would ever accuse a married woman of 'showing off' by using Mrs. Why then should I be embarrassed or worse made to feel embarrassed by the use of Dr?

I conclude this in the same way that I did with my twitter adversary above. I ask, would a man be a) embarrassed in the same way and b) would a man even be challenged in the same way?

Probably not is my conclusion.

I'm not going to go around demanding to be addressed by my proper title. Rarely would I correct anyone who called me 'Ms or Miss'. In many circumstances no it isn't relevant and will never come up. But I'm also not going to hide it either. I'm going to tick the box on the form, if asked I'll say Dr, and I'm damn well not taking it off my twitter handle either.

Overqualified and Qualified for nothing- curse of the PhD?

One of the phrases that makes my blood boil is 'overqualified'. Surely there should be no such thing? because all skills are transferable, and in a culture where often we're expected to both have 10 years experience for 5 years experience salary and/or expected to have experience in order to get experience, this all seems a futile distinction.

Recently at an event with Research Development staff, several confirmed what many of us PhD's have lost suspected: they won't employ PhDs in non-academic roles. And yet they get many applications. dismissing PhDs as 'not interested really, just wanting to keep a foot in the door' may well be true for some, but many PhDs do seek what we'd call 'alt-ac' careers (alternative academic careers-still within the sector but not in traditional academic roles) Many for practical reasons-a lack of academic jobs-others because they want to. Some are lucky enough to get more senior roles straight away where the PhD level skill is appreciated, but what of the others, or those with no previous employment experience (having gone straight through education to the PhD) they are perfect for the lower grade jobs, gaining the day to day skills they missed on the way to the PhD but still making use of the specialist skills from the PhD.

The same should apply outside academia. Just because I have a high-level degree doesn't make me over-qualified for the job.

BUT on the flip side spending 4 years doing a PhD doesn't mean 4 years where I wasn't gaining employment skills.

To me these are the two key elements for PhDs looking elsewhere for work. Firstly we're great at being 'bottom of the pile' and 'learning our trade' if we're applying for a job in  a new sector we will learn from the bottom up, and we may even do it a bit faster, with a bit more creative flair from our higher degree.

But at the same time, don't ignore the transferable skills we have from the PhD. Those 4 years aren't 'time out' they're time gathering a new set of skills and developing existing ones. They're time working independently and part of a team (don't tell me that isn't on your recruitment specifications) it's time doing highly focused, highly detailed work. It's time networking until it kills us, it's time spent balancing the most high-strung of personalities (frankly if we can wrangle students and professors equally well, we can do anything a company throws at us). It's time writing, developing, adapting, re-drafting and honing writing skills for many audiences at once. These just off the top of my head are things I've read countless times on application forms. So why then just because this skill comes from a PhD would you discount this?

And that goes for us as applicants too. The PhD is not an employment gap, it's a career development. And we all need to shift our perceptions on that front.

Our PhDs teach us to look at things in a new way. How about we all start looking at employment outside a PhD differently?

And employers? If we've left academia, and we get a job we like, we're loyal fiercely so, and grateful for the opportunity. 

2015? 2016?

So the last post was more of a negative reflection on what has been, frankly a pretty rubbish year in many respects.

So I decided to list the things I have achieved this year (who doesn't love a list right?) and some aims for the next year. It's also part of my determination to stop viewing the world in terms of academic year, and get back to calander years like the real people do.

1. I finished, like properly finsihed the PhD.

To be honest I'm going to claim this one for about the next 5 years. To finally, finally get all the corrections in, signed off, and submit the damn thing for the final time is still an achievement. And one I'm happy to be leaving far behind me.

2. Got a job.

3. Survived 6 months in the job.
This is factual information. Interpret the wording as you will.

4. Got to fulfil a dream in giving a post-show theatre talk (no really, as a usher who sat through too many a post-show talk I always wanted to give one, and I gave 2) in London, in the West End, for a show I adore, using my PhD. This is actually possibly my favourite thing this year.

5. Got taken on as a reviewer by Wales Arts Review. And at the end of the year by Buzz magazine too.

6. As a result of 5. actually got invited to shows to review. And got great feedback from all sorts of people/areas about my writing.

7. Started to make contacts in my local theatre community again, and started to feel like there was a possablity of being part of that community as well.

8. Presented a paper based on my PhD at a conference that was actually talior made to my PhD topic.

9. Got to take my Mum on holiday to New York as a thank you for supporting me through the previous 4 years.

10. Became a board member of a theatre company that I'm passionate about.

11. Wrote lots (but not enough)

12.  Flawlessly learned the rap from 'Satisfied' in Hamilton. This may be my greatest achievment this year. I'm not kidding.


I did a lot of great things in 2015:

1. Went to New York with my Mum. It was good to be 'home' again. And to have an actual holiday.
2. Went to London, a lot, spent a lot of time with great people.
3. Went to Downton Abbey (Highclare Castle) it's nerdy but it makes me happy.
4. Got to go to the theatre a lot, got to see a lot of things I wouldn't see through reviewing.
5. Got to have a social life again after 4 years of not.

Things that I learned this year:

1. Academia is not for me, and that's ok.
2. Everything takes time. It's painful, and slow and a pain in the arse but it takes time.
3. The right people, the people that matter will appreciate your work if yo make it good enough.
4. It's still worth it to chase after what you love.
5. You don't need many real friends, but they're the ones that matter.

Favourite things from this year:

1. Awkward rapping in my car to the Hamilton cast recording. General return of my musical theatre nerdiness.
2. The X Files being (almost back) and Gillian Anderson just in general (ok and David)
3. All the wonderful theatre. I can't choose, but here's my 2015 review blog here
4. All the wonderful nerdy tv shows and falling down the nerdy rabbit holes associated with them (Hannibal, Supernatural I'm looking at you)
5. My Nespresso machine. Really, it's an intense relationship.
6. Running. Who knew right?

Things I would like from 2016:
(Rather than resolutions, I'm calling this a wish list)

1. A job that I can really throw my mind and heart behind.
2. Make some more use of the damn PhD.
3. Write a new play. Convince someone to perform it.
4. Run more. Join in races of some kind.
5. Spend time with the people who matter, forget the ones who don't.
6. Go on a date. An actual real person date. (I'm not being as sweeping to say anything about relationships here, I'd frankly settle for a damn date)
7. Travel more. Starting with Portugal in January (hooray head start there)
8. Change my hair. (Blonde? longer? any advice?)
9. Find one new hobby. It's time to mix things up now I have lesiure time again.
10. Say yes to more things. (just not drugs, kids, always say no to drugs)

Post PhD 12 months on....

Back in November it was the first anniversary of my viva. I wanted to write a refection of things a year on, but really struggled to articulate anything coherent on the subject.

In part this is because actually the viva isn't the end, and actually with corrections and everything else it actually didn't really feel like it was over, over until my graduation the following July. As that July also coincided roughly with the start of my first "real" post PhD job that's when things felt like they moved into the next chapter.

Or did they? it's hard to tell. Truth be told I feel like I'm still waiting for a 'real' post-PhD life to begin. And I think that has to do with not being where I want to be, and struggling to figure that out.

And the truth of the matter is for the last 6 months I've been the most unhappy I've ever been in my life. I've tried and tried to put a positive spin on it. But when I've found myself in tears several times a week, incredibly unhappy in my job and trying to come to terms with my failure as an academic while figuring out what on earth I'm supposed to do next, it's pretty hard to find a silver lining.

And after 4 years of fighting so hard to finish the PhD, I honestly don't have any fight left.

The other thing I've found is that people are all to quick to tell you what you're doing wrong: not publishing enough, taking the wrong job (despite pressuring you in the first place to take the job, any job that keeps an tiny foothold in the hallowed ivory tower) where you should be looking for a job (academic of course, no other options exist) how you should be using every second of this job (and your spare time) otherwise you'll never get another job. Etc. Etc.

Nobody within academia ever stops you to ask what you want to do.

What I do know is that where I want to be is not in academia. Which is tough when currently in a University job (non academic, as many are quick to remind me)

I also want to say one very important thing:

I am a failed academic.

And follow it up with something equally important:

And that's ok.

Academia is very quick to fail people in every sense of the word. Academia is quick not to support people, to at best neglect them, at worst sabotage them so that they fail. What academia and academics don't like is letting people go who've failed. There's a mentality that you're not allowed to walk away, even when people are telling you that you're not worth the oxygen on campus, but somehow you should still want to hang on to the bitter end. That's not for me. I prefer to know when I'm beaten and walk away, find something that not only I might be good at but that I might be happy in.

But it's not an easy move to make. From within these voices tell you that you're wrong to want to leave (while simultaneously complaining about academia I might add) Add to this the voices from outside asking "Well you've done all this studying, what are you going to do with it?" as well as the employers who simultanously see you as over qualified and under qualified.

It's so tempting just to keep on the treadmill, to keep poking at acadmemic jobs because at least on paper it looks like I'm qualifed, and at least I can console myself with just how bad the job market is, as to why I don't get anywhere.

But getting out is hard. Finding a way to use your skills and an employer willing to consider those skills is one thing. But so is re-training a brain that's been conditioned to think that only one way lays success.

So yes I've done a lot of crying over the last 6 months-more than all of my PhD I'd be willing to bet. But I've also done a lot of work. I've done my best to network, I've taken on projects and written like I'm running out of time. I've read a lot about how to sell my skills elsewhere, how to adapt to being someone 'with a PhD' that someone somewhere might want.

I don't think I'm asking for miracles. I'm a bloody hard worker-I've worked since I was 15 and taken any and every job I could get my hands on to earn a living and gain skills-I've done every customer service job going, I've done every crappy office job going, and I've taught and taught. All I want is a job that engages my brain and lets me feel useful.

If I'm making a wish list I want a job that has the following:

1. Writing.
2. Not a 9-5 office job.
3. Some form of 'teaching' involved.
4. Using research skills.
5. Working with people outside of the organisation.

Some combination of the above. I'm not built for a 9-5, and I do well working in a teaching/public facing position-if I solely only work with the same people I want to staple things to them. I'm good at talking, engaging and generally working with people.

In an ideal world I'd write and nothing else. But until I can have a dream job I'm more than happy to do anything-always have been. I just don't want to cry on the way home every day.


*a note, should anyone read this with malicous intent: my current job is a fixed term contract to June. 6 months is a reasonable time-frame to be laying groundwork for a career change which is what this post represents. My unhappiness in my current position has been discussed frankly with my current managers therefore this post also includes nothing not already known to them.